I came across an article by Zehra Ahmed that started:
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your relationship, that you don’t stop and think about the fact that it could be killing you. And sometimes you do think about whether your relationship is healthy or not, but can’t decide. Should you break up with them? These are 10 surefire ways to tell if your relationship is unhealthy!
So from her list I thought I would add my opinion
1. Your grades are going down
I find it weird when someone selfishly expects their love interest to all of a sudden drop everything on a moment’s notice just because you are in a relationship with them. Dammit, if I am having a paper that’s due next week, I will study the hell out of that paper. You watch. If you really want to spend time around me wait till I’m done, mtihani si hukumu cha kifo! A week off would probably would probably do you a world of good to realise that you can actually live for a few days without me.
2. You’re being separated from your parents, or friends, because they don’t like your significant other
This one is too important. Many are the times that have turned out that indeed, your significant other was a dodgy character. Anaangalia sistako vibaya ama she’s throwing vibes and signals to your boy. Be attentive about how she/he interacts with your loved ones. Sometimes they want to isolate you from your support unit so that you are vulnerable to them and can’t walk away from them when their true selves are revealed. Or maybe, sometimes your “support unit” are just crazily overprotective and there’s nothing wrong.
3. You often feel pressured into doing things
Anything you didn’t want to do that your love interest sort cajoled you into doing could be applicable. Could be from dressing what you didn’t want to, going to a place you weren’t comfortable at or even having sex at a time you did not feel up to it. ANYTHING!
4. You suspect something, but deny it or never bring it up with them
Everyone who’s keen on their relationship always knows when some things just don’t sit right. Don’t be quiet about it, but don’t be accusatory about it either. Kuna njia za ki sniper to making queries directly from your significant other without coming out as castigating them, especially when you have no proof of any indiscretions going on.
5. You feel intimidated by them
Ka haikai poa, haikai poa. You can’t be treating “bae” like she’s an egg all the time every time. If you’re insecure whenever she’s talking to another guy, or if he gets upset you’re the one who always has to be the accommodating one, then you’re in the wrong spot or at least ask yourself fundamental questions on what it is about them that makes you feel like that.
6. You’re only dating him/her because you feel bad for them, or you’ve just stopped liking them, but are holding on because you’ve been going out for sooo long
Mapenzi ni huduma, si utumwa. When everything starts feeling like a chore when you’re around what used to be your love interest, maybe you should start making an exit strategy. Hopefully it was good while it lasted, but sometimes even good things must come to an end.
7. You think s/he is using you
Be it for your mulla, your looks the name of your family or even sometimes to cover sexual orientation, vuka boda. You don’t want your mamaa caught out with some pastor or hear your mbuzi is a dish in more ways than one.
8. He hits you or abuses you
Although in Kenya it actually goes both ways, truth is a majority of the sufferers are the mamaas. Therefore, in the words of Eric Wainaina, ‘if he seeks to have someone to beat on or hurl insults tu all the time, angenunua kondoo’.
9. S/he finds too many flaws in you
There’s correction, then there’s unnecessary criticism. If all the your partner does is to find faults in what you do, how you dress, how you eat and who you hang out for no reasonable cause, I think you should re-evaluate that whole relationship issue.
10. Your sweetie just doesn’t take any initiative anymore
This is in contrast to the first point. Just coz you can go on living even without being in constant contact, it doesn’t mean you forget that bae exists. Most of the times it’s the fellas are guilty of this. If it goes on for too long, then again I would suggest a reassessment of the relationship, if it is still existent.
Conversation is the key to all relationships, so keep that up and some of these issues might just happen to be phases in the relationship. Good luck.
By Thomas Rajula