1. Are they Manipulative?
Manipulation is when someone acts or uses something or someone with a aggressive intention in order to induce a desired action. This is the biggest one. Manipulation is emotional abuse. Both Chiqas and dudes do it. I see it all the time — someone getting a dude to buy stuff with no interest of getting to know thim, or the dude expecting sex for doing so. Manipulative behavior is often not seen at first because of the initial superficial interactions and the “puppy love” effect.
Someone who is manipulative must be in control.

2.You, And Only You, Make Them Happy
In a relationship, you should make them happier but you should not be their ultimate source of happiness. Mature and centered people get happiness from themselves and do not have to lay the burden on anyone else for all their happiness. Relationships should increase happiness, but not be the reason for all of it.

3. They Compare Themselves to Others and to You
Your relationship shouldn’t be a sports game of two rival teams. This shows immaturity and insecurity. It’s not who makes more, who is smarter, or who is better at something. It’s about complementing each other and working as a team. As a couple, the two should be different, but still complementary and synergistic in their efforts and love.
Instead of rivals, healthy people in relationships encourage one another and support one another.

4. Bad Interaction with Strangers, and Parents
Are they above anyone? Do they talk with someone or do they talk down to someone? They should treat everyone with respect, from the strangers in the streets or anywhere to their parents. Especially their parents. It is a good indicator of how they’ll treat you one day.

5. You Can Disagree Without Having an Argument
Disagreeing should not trigger an argument. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and should not be forced to think the same way on any subject. You should be able to disagree but not be mad at the same time. If you find yourself not vocalizing your thoughts to “keep the peace” due to fear of anger, then this is not only a warning sign; it is a major form of manipulation.

Have a good one!!

Muthoni wachira

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