So here’s more from our part one series on what to look out for before calling it a thing.

Dealing with abuse6. Guilt tripping someone into doing something
This is using intimidation, using fear, or verbal abuse for creating submission for some action. Positive/ Negative Reinforcement (such as only saying I love you only after someone does something “good” or pleasing to the partner). Anyone who “presses your buttons” or uses your insecurities to get you to do what they want you to do is not genuine.

7. Giving gifts with strings attached or crossing your boundaries often
Someone who is manipulative must be in control. So if you find these circumstances to be the case, realize that no one deserves to be subjected to this kind of behavior.

8. Lack of Clear Communication
Hiding your needs and not vocalizing your ideas create distrust and are destructive. No intimacy can occur without communication. There various types of communication including physical (such as holding hands, cuddling, verbal (constructive compliments and feedback), and others. That also means that someone is able to share his or her most intimate details. It is a shame that many couples go several years or months without knowing what the other wants, or how they want to be treated, because they may be timid to express it. Express it. The other person may not agree, but should be open to the idea at least.

9. Has Low Standards for Himself or Herself
Ultimately they have to respect themselves to have healthy relationships with anyone else. Whether it’s not having proper hygiene or always settling for their unmet needs, a person with low standards is not mature and will not lift and encourage you to have higher standards.

10. Lack of Self-Love
You cannot love anyone until you love yourself. You can’t give someone water from your cup if your cup is empty.


11. Isn’t Supportive in Your Decisions and Dreams
Even if you fail, your significant other should help pick you back up and encourage you to do what you really want to do. They should never hold you back from your dreams and encourage you unconditionally in a positive and constructive way.

THINK ! background12. Tries to “Fix” You or Change You
Later in relationships people often try to make you into the person they want to have instead of who you are. They don’t embrace your faults and quirks, nor do they love and support you through them all unconditionally. If they try to change you, it is usually manipulative. This is different than encouraging you to be on time or growing together to be more responsible. If you want to change and they help you that is fine. But they should not try to change you. You change for yourself, first. They should love you and your quirks and faults, while being supportive of the changes you want to make. Likewise, hopefully the changes you want to make are helping yourself to also be better for your partner!

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

Have a good one!!
Muthoni Wachira