I had this party to attend. Every cool kid was attending the bash, I could say this was the party of the year. It is where all fashion statements were made, if you wanted to get the hottest gals this was the bash to attend. As any kid, I had prepared for the occasion, and had all I needed for the bash. Everything check. The only thing remaining was the pants.
Having gathered all the money I needed I decided I needed an unique look, a look that would have me stand out. I wanted to be “that guy”, you know, ule chali. Needed a pair of ragged jeans that would go well with my vans shoes, after my research I decided to go shopping. And like most of my friends the best place to shop is Gikosh (Gikomba Second Hand Market)
After a long day shopping around, I could not find what I wanted. I remembered my friend telling me how Ngara market had the best and latest outfits. Without much thinking I took a jav (matatu) to Ngara.
For those who have gone shopping, you understand the hustle in getting what you need. With all the hawkers shouting, the push and the shove, its no easy. So finding my ragged jeans proved futile. Just as I was about to call it a day, this hawker approached me holding this khaki pants, cool looking pants. And he offered them to me.“Hizi ndo vitu za wajanja,” (this is what the trendy dudes are wearing) They looked okay, and I pictured myself in them, how I would get all the attention from the gals. I decided to buy them.
One challenge with buying things here, is that you don’t get a chance to try them out before buying, you could be negotiating with the hawker then from nowhere you hear makanjo, makanjo, (a name for City Council Askaris) and the hawker takes off and you are left there wondering, what just happened? So on this particular day, I didn’t want to take chances, plus I was tired. So after taking the measurements with my eyes of cause, I thought the khaki pants would fit me perfectly.
So I took off and went home a happy guy and waited for the big day. You don’t wash them btw… they are usually clean, f.y.i!
So come the day of the event, I had my white tee, my khaki pants, and my vans shoes. Looked great, but I noticed the khaki pants were kind of tight on the lower part, from the knee to toes. And the upper part from my hip bone, to waistline the pants were baggy. To me this looked awkward. But I remembered the words from the hawker, hizi ndo za wajanja. So I rushed out and I was at the bash.
At the bash, i was cool, everything was as i had envisioned, the music, the gals and all. After mingling, James the loud mouth saw me and shouted, “vipi switcho, hizi ni gani, buda? umekuwa shoga nini? (whats up switcho “my pet name”, what are you wearing my guy, have you turned gay) Everybody looked at me, and then my pants, the whole place went up in laughter. he then went on, “yaani hata kama ni swag buda, hizi ni za madame, cheki hata hii zip.” (this a re ladies pants, look at the fly)I was speechless, and so much embarrassed now that I was “gay”, the whole time i was there everyone kept staring and no one wanted my vibe… I had to leave early.
To this day I hate all the guys who were at the party… they think am gay for real. But i learn’t my lesson… Next time I go shopping, I will always check and check (no pun intended) before buying.