Form 1
Form 1

It’s that time of the year again. Guys are getting ready to be ushered into the cool side of life: the most eventful four years that they will ever experience. This will be a time to get to know who you are and understand that adolescence is real, and that thirst is something to deal with for an entire term or alternatively, something to find a way to cope with. You are probably very excited to finally wear that nice uniform, those trousers, and the short skirt approved by the late Mr Mutula Kilonzo.

Wait! Has anyone given you “The Talk”?
Not the one for the birds and the bees, but on how you are going to survive this year? More importantly, how you will stay alive for the first term of the rest of your life? Relax. We will provide the tips.
So you are finally in the school of your dreams, you are cleared by its administration, your parents will be leaving in a few minutes, and you will be left alone to be the independent child they trained you to be. You have never been this scared; all the monolization stories run through your mind as you head to the dormitory to put your stuff and head to class. Do not worry. Here is a guideline on how to survive this term — the D-Hall, the dorm and the funkies.

The D-Hall
Eat every high school meal. You have to take very seriously. There is no midnight snack here, more so if you go to a school where one is not allowed to carry graboz. As you have probably noticed by now, no one cares whether you have had a fruit or a balanced diet at the end of the day. We won’t lie to you that the food will become delicious as the days go by. Actually, it becomes even nastier. You just have to learn different techniques to make it “better”. Please note that “better” is relative and not everyone will agree with these items.

Well, there is the universal avocado. You most likely took them for granted while in primary school but trust us, this fruit will now become precious as it works with all types of food. Your other option is Aromat, which you can get in a supermarket, put it in the githeri, eat the food then lick the plate. Another thing to note: mwenye nguvu mpishe. Your time to eat the top layer of food is not here yet. Wait.

The Dorms
You will agree that rest is important, especially after an afternoon of double mathematics lessons. And people normally stay in the dorms after classes share stories. But you will sleep on your mattress for at least the next three years. Therefore, do not let individuals change your bed into a place for relaxation. Sure, this can earn you points in your cool metre, but dude, mattress yako itaisha before you get to term three.

Have you heard of a metal box being turned into a butterfly or it being changed into a bottomless ‘box’? Well, these techniques of getting stuff from your box have and will always be there. You just have to know where and how to place your compartment of goodies. In addition, do not announce how your this compartment of yours has all the stuff everyone wishes for. That is how you end up campaigning for it to become a beautiful butterfly. Additionally, choose your friends wisely. Spot the fourth former who seems to call the shots in your dorm room, and make him your friend. This way, your metal box will not be a victim of the butterfly tragedy. Neither will you.

This very simple. Stay away from other people’s chillez and dudez. Always wear your best skirt, shirt and trouser. Nobody has time to spare for someone with faded uniform. Stick to your your lane. If that chick looks a little too much baggage for you, stay away for now. Learn how ‘funkies’ work before you get her. And take this page everywhere with you just in case you want to refer to it.